time flies really fast without we realizing it...at 1 time i was still a 10 years old little gurl, but da next glance, i'm a young lady and a wife....it all happened on the 2nd Ramadhan 1413 or 24th Feb 1993....
the day before, i came back after school on the first day of ramadhan...my school was an evening session....as usual, on my arrival, i will straight go to his room at the ground floor....mak was smiling and said with a delightful tone, "bapak tak makan pun langsung hari nie dr tgh hari..agaknya bapak pun nak puasa macam kita."..she said that because bapak has been paralyzed for almost 3 months (if i'm not mistaken)...he can't move an inch, not even talking...and mak told me that he might not even hear us...so, when bapak giving a response such as that, it's a progress....and that evening after bukak puasa, bapak can zikir along wif da zikir munajat cassette which before this he can't even hum wif it....we've been playing it for 24 hrs non stop for him to listen.....
but that same nite, people started to come to our house...and jemaah masjid pun came to our house after tarawih...while bapak was in gud condition, he will always go to Masjid for mghrib and isyak prayer...so, jemaah masjid knows our family quite well...being a 10 years old gurl, i was just busy looking forward for my 2nd day of Ramadhan and Raya which is coming closer...little that i know, people start to built up at my house because of da reason which a 10 years old gurl couldn't think off....and that very nite, when mak asked me to go to sleep, i was curious coz abang and bancik is still awake...and people was still in the house....doing my routine, i kissed both of bapak's cheeks and forehead, followed by mak's.....then head to my bed upstairs....
i was awake when mak woke me up...when i look at the clock, it's just 3:00am...too early for sahur....mak look direct into me and she said slowly, "Amy, bapak dah takde." "Bapak pegi mana mak? Bapak pegi hospital ye?" asked me wif curious.... "Tak...bapak dah meninggal," without saying a word, tears streaming my cheeks...mak hugged me soo tight and still i didn't say a thing..."amy pegi cuci muka dgn gosok gigi...pastuh turun bawah." obeying the instruction, i did as i was told....when i came down to bapak's room, everybody was there...i went beside bapak and hugged and kissed him, and no response was given.....i sits beside him while mak, abang and bancik buzy calling and notifying all the family and friends, moving out the furniture and preparing list of things to prepare and buy...
once the hall was cleared with any furniture, bapak was placed at the centre of the hall....since it was still early in da morning, i fall a sleep beside bapak without knowing that was the last time i ever lied beside him....when i awake, crowd already built up....mak pun asked me to mandi and pakai baju kurung.....
the hardest and saddest moment was when they wanted to close his face for kafan....the last time i'm seeing that face...the face full of love, tender, care and warmth....but that moment couldn't compare to da time when they put bapak in the liang lahat.....knowing that i won't see him anymore forever.....
but....being a 10 years old kid, that very same afternoon.....i've started running around and laughing my heart out....not too young to know, but too young to understand and value....
when he was sick, at one time, we don't have a maid....abang and bancik went to school in the morning session....and i'm in the evening session...before went to work, mak will prepare bapak's bubur, which then i will also eat it...huhu...so, i will sit by him in the morning, while doing my homework....or even reading as he thought us to love to read...sometimes just sitting beside him and singing or even playing...i can still remember the words that i said the most while sitting beside my paralized bapak, the word was...."nanti bile bapak dah sihat, bole le kita.........." almost everyday i will say that same phrase while feeding him breakfast or lunch or even sitting beside him....little that i know, he will not recover after the operation which my mak and brothers already know about...actually, doc said he will only live for 6 months after the operation, but he manage to live more than that, more than a year....at first i was a bit upset coz they didn't tell me that he has no hope to recover after the operation...and i was also upset coz mak asked me to go to sleep the nite of bapak's death....but, when i think again, i was thankful for that...coz i will spent my time as normal with bapak like nothing will ever happens to him.....
being da only daughter and the youngest.....i was always bapak's favorite and an apple of his eyes....everybody knows, a father will always care for his daughter more than his son...always being the one that he most favours, and not even a single slap i got from him....he still bath me until i was in standard 1....if i went out and play, he will wash my feet wif berus sabut...we always have dettol in our house...he's hygiene...he still carry me even i'm already 6 years old.....he tied my hair once when mak went to US...though the ponytail is not neat at all, rambut still naik-naik, which than i have to force acik noni (our pembantu rumah) to re-tie the hair....when he's still around, every saturday is a family outing day...and on sunday is family leisure day at home...every month we will balik kampung in Perak...we stayed in Kelana Jaya at that time....and when mak went for outstation, the family outing place will be MPH, novel hut or any bookstore....bapak was not into a hanky panky thinggy....everything must be educational and beneficial....
it has been 17 years but everything is still clear like a player in my head....10 years spent with him is too short...coz not many memory for me to remember of him with....but syukur Alhamdulillah, at least i have something to remember him about... kan Leha?i was also thank to Allah for giving me an opportunity to get to know the most lovable, responsible, charming, handsome and greatest father Allah has created....sometimes i think to myself, how will i turn out if he's still around? how our lives will be if he's still around....but when i re-think, everything happens for a reason...Allah knows better....if he's still around, i might not married feezie...and i might not know you...and i might not be who i am now...
from the 3 of us (my siblings) i am the only one wif gap front teeth....when i'm mad, i will keep quite...that features i got from my bapak.....
to all daughters, love your father while he's still around....u never know when Allah will take him back....Allah just lend him to us....
Bapak, i will always be ur little gurl....
3 comments:
huu..cam nak nangis bace..tp tak nangis..hehe..
aku as anak yg still ade both parents ni tak la berapa paham camne life without mak atau ayah..tp ntah la..pas bace cite ko ni maybe aku akan try slalu contact bapak aku..
seriously..aku mmg ngan mak jek..apa2 pon cite ngan mak..kat sini aku kol mak aku jek slalu..ayah aku jarang sgt kol..huu..nnt kol laa..hohoho..
insap2..aku sayang ayah aku..tapi dier pelik..hehehe..
hahaha.....aku tau liang air mata ko mmg tersumbat.....
semua bapak mmg pelik ckit...bapak2 yg zaman kita la....they love us in mysterious way...
sepelik2 pakcik mael pun, yg tetiap minggu dtg amy ko kat cyber dolu sape??yg belikan ko pc and laptop dolu sape??that's how they show their love....
hahahha..agak tersumbat laa.. :p nak wat camner.. :D
tu la kan..btol2..huu..
Post a Comment