Rezeki, Nikmat & Syukur

this is my status in FB today:
Rezeki Allah comes in so many ways and forms..
it might not be in a form of cash or materials,
it might be in a form of your healthiness and your family healthiness,
it might be in the quality time spent with family and love ones,
it can also be in a form of  and happiness,
stop complaining, comparing and condemning,
cherish and embrace all the things you have coz without Allah's will, u wont have any.. — feeling wonderful.

I have been thinking bout posting this status for a few days already.. not sure why, maybe coz I'm moving to a new era and a new age.. today is my final 2.. I'm going to be 30 by tomorrow..
or is it because of all the things that happened around me with my friends and family..

lately, there's a lot of occasion and incident that makes me sit and ponder, Allah mmg Maha pemurah, Allah tak pernah kedekut especially dengan aku.. if we sit and think and compare what we have now, there is a lot to be thankful for..

kalau nak compare ngan org lain, kami ni bkn le jenis berduit.. aku slalu pikir nape le kami ni jenis kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang mkn petang.. aku slalu mcm menyirap je ngan En Suami sbb slalu xde duit (tp aku rasa sebenanye dia saje ckp kat aku yg dia xde duit. laki aku nie jenis kedekut ckit) hahaha.. hutang keliling pinggang.. hire purchase la, mortgage la,  personal loan lagi, study loan lagi campur lg ngan credit card..  kami xmampu pakai keta baru, masing2 dok pakai kereta wira yang dah lebih dr 10 thn.. even driver office aku pun mampu pakai Exora.. but then aku terpikir, ade tu nak pakai kereta pun xmampu.. angkut anak bini naik moto redah hujan.. aku penah nampak ade motorcyclist ni bawak anak dia balik sekolah, dok dpn dia, kaki dalam bakul, pastu tetido atas handle.. sedihnya rasa.. but then when i think back, Alhamdulillah, xpernah sekali pun sampai kami xde makanan untuk dijamah.. xpenah lagi le sampai kene menahan lapa..

another rezeki that people often forgot is, rezeki anak..
Alhamdulillah aku diberi kesuburan dan rezeki anak.. masa kawen itu hari pun, sempat sekali je period, terus lekat dah.. we didnt plan to get it so soon.. kalau ade tu ade la, kalo xde kami xkesah.. but mungkin time tu Allah ambil mak aku, Dia beri aku dgn Ameer sebagai pengganti.. and then for this 2nd child, baru je terpikir maybe it's time to get another child for us, skalik 1st attempt pun dah lekat.. Subhanallah Alhamdulillah, mudahnya bagi kami.. one of my best friend, her journey to motherhood wasn't easy.. she's been married for 4 years, br dpt anak.. itupun she has to take injection which cost her thousands of dollar.. and her sister pun minta tolong aku doakan spy dia dpt lagi baby sbb she said doa ibu mengandung ni makbul.. huhu.. ade plak opismate aku nie dah 5 thn kawen.. dah operate buang cyst and mcm2 treatment, still xde rezeki jugak..

being pregnant is a rezeki, the journey through pregnancy itself is also rezeki..
Alhamdulillah aku dr time pregnantkan Ameer dulu xde pun morning sickness.. muntah pun bole kire bape kali.. bloated or water retention pun mmg xde.. kencing manis or darah tinggi pun xde.. my pregnancies are a bliss.. nak masak pun larat, nak buat house chores bole lagik, driving smp le delivery day pun larat, even pakai 2.5 inc heels during 37th weeks pregnant pun aku bole lg.. ade officemate aku nie, berjalan pun termengah-mengah.. one of my oldfriend dia ckp dia loya and morning sickness every single day. berlari-lari ke toilet and sampai terduduk le tepi jamban opis sbb xlarat sangat asyik nak termuntah. and then ade wife office mate aku ni dia punya water retention sampai kene pakai cast kat pergelangan tangan. then peha dia bengkak sampai doctor kene balut kaki dia to prevent bengkak to worsen. Subhanallah, bukan senang Allah nak menghapuskan dosa. tp aku Alhamdulillah mudah je.

one thing that I'm very thankful is my health and my family's health..
Alhamdulillah, semenjak lahir Ameer xpenah kene penyakit yg teruk or being admitted.. just fever, flu and cough.. aku and PZ pun xpenah lagi sakit teruk except for ade 1 time tu PZ kene diarrhea smp kene buat endoscopic and admitted for a day..
my department mate, MC for 1 week sbb suspected dengue.. exactly after that plak, his 7 months old son  plak kene admitted for a week sbb fever.. it's a viral fever caused from the current haze situation.. then my best friend's 2YO son admitted as well due to diarrhea for almost a week.. my office mate plak, his 3YO son kene operate tonsil.. anak dia dah amek pneumuococal vaccine tp still infected with pneumonia sampai 2 kali masuk ICU.. in the end, kene operate buang tonsil.. yang sayunya sbb anak kecik yang sakit.. aku ni tgk Ameer demam panas je pun macam dah sayu, inikan kalo bebdk tu derita sakit.. Subhanallah.. semoga dugaan yg diorang alami tu adalah ujian dan penghapus dosa kedua parents nya...

satu lagi rezeki yang orang slalu terlepas pandang.. having a love ones and the people who's loving you around you..
Allah ambil orang yang paling aku sayang disaat aku sangat memerlukannya.. I'm the youngest in my family and Im the only daughter.. I've been my mother's best friend since we lost my father.. which when i was 10 years old.. we went anywhere together.. i follow her shopping, accompanying her for outstation, meeting up with friends, that's why I know most of her friends and her friends know me even until now.. she knows all my close friends and I like to talk bout them with mak. and Mak she will always membebel to me, she will always try to pick on me or selalu cari salah aku. when i asked her, "Nape mak slalu marah amy? ade je benda yang tak kena. nape?" her simple answer was, "Mak nak ajar kamu to be a better person. to improve yourself. to be tough and tahan setiap dugaan". I replied, "nape abang ngan bancik tak kene marah pun macam amy?" then mak replied, "mak nak kamu jadi lagi bagus dan elok daripada diorang. lagipun diorang lelaki. kamu perempuan. kamu akan kawen and ade mertua & ipar, kalau tegor ckit pun kamu xtahan, macam mana kamu nak hidup dengan suami, keluarga mertua and macam mana kamu nak jaga anak?" everytime mak marah, not even once i walked away from her when she's talking, show my back to her or even slammed a door behind me. and now when i think back, Alhamdulillah mak thought me like that. she thought me to be tough, to be strong and to be patient. If not, i don't think i can go through what i've been through now. losing my father, then losing my mother. kene DI, suspend, potong gaji, xdapat increment, bonus kene potong then 3 years being denied for a promotion by the management though i performed above average.

Allah ambil Mak masa aku baru 4 bulan kawen which i still needs her guidance and tunjuk ajar dalam menjalankan tugas sebagai seorang isteri dan mengendalikan rumah tangga.. to share with her how wonderful my husband is.. how similar they could be.. Mak suka makan anything with red bean, so does En Suami.. both of them like Green colour.. Mak loves jagung, so does En Suami.. and a few other things that they actually shared the same interest..  and En Suami even said, "Bestkan kalau mak ade. mesti seronok. mesti mak selalu datang rumah kita. I pun xsempat nak beramah mesra dengan mak". i was so touched coz i know how much he loves my mom and how much more he could be in love with her if he gets to know her better. At the same time I was 3 months pregnant.. the moment where every women really-really needs their mom.. I have a lot of questions bout my pregnancy, bout the development and most of all, someone very dear to me to be by my side when I'm going through the pain of labor.. seronok dengar orang cerita pasal pantang mak jaga.. mak siapkan mandian, mak siapkan tungku, mak masakkan makanan, mak jagakan anak.. My mak haven't even got the chance to hold any of my zuriat.. I definitely sure if mak is still around, Ameer will definitely be her favourite grandchild.. she will always be at our house, she will always find way to come and stay at our house.. and i will definitely go back to Ipoh every month..

tp Allah itu maha adil.. Alhamdulillah Allah beri aku Mak Mertua yang sanggup menjaga aku ketika pantang..memang MIL xkan sama dengan mak sendiri, tp bolehlah juga aku menumpang kasih pada MIL.

when i observe people around, I realize that people who doesn't really appreciate their mom and not treating like I did, Mak diorang Alhamdulillah panjang umor.. I never go around and tell people that my mother is bias and "Mak aku bukan sayang aku pun".. how could she day that to all her fiends while when i look at that person, she's living with her mom and they have a maid. Her mom buy a lot of nice & expensive things for her children. Her mom paid for her house furniture, her mom paid for her debts.. aku ni, nak klua berdua dengan suami pun kene ambik cuti masa Ameer kat nursery. itupun just for a movie or lunch date which only took us a few hours. bergolok bergadai tuk beli rumah and we don't even have extra money tuk install kitchen cabinet.

some people can just sit around and the mother cook for her and her husband. Her mother even serve meals for her and her husband. her mother have to hold her child while she's eating, once she's done eating baru her mother eats. Ya Allah, sampainya hati.. i could never imagine i could have a heart to do that to mak.

aku ni seboleh-bolehnya try my very best tak menyusahkan Mak aku. I've start cooking for my family since I'm in form 1 just to lessen her burden. I will always serve her food and she's my priority. Never even once I asked for her money since I went to MMU except for house deposit. If she's doing any house chores, i will insist to do it for her. Tak pernah sampai hati aku ni nak tgk mak aku susah payah buat kerja. I wouldnt let her carry any shopping bags even it's just a slice of bread. Subhanallah punya kasih aku pada Mak sampai xsanggup langsung tengok dia susah. So I can't never understand how people could just hurt or just asking their mother to do things for them.
sampai to the extend that i said to En Suami, "Bestnya org yang ade mak bapak ni. mungkin nyawa dia panjang sbb anak-anak dia masih memerlukan diorang."..

Kesimpulannya, rezeki Allah comes in so many ways. belajarlah bersyukur dan kurangkanlah merungut and complain. what you have now is rezeki dari Allah..

I'm baking a bun...

In my previous blog post, I mentioned that i'm gonna share why Ameer finally stop breast feeding...

Well, the reason is, there's a bun in the oven.. Alhamdulillah I'm almost 8 month pregnant.. dah 8 month pregnant baru nak update blog?? Cik Puan Peah oi!!! dulu masa preggy kan Ameer, baru dapat tau through pregnancy test dah kecoh kat blog. Blum confirm by doctor lagi. Yang skang ni, dah 8th month, baru terhegeh nak citer kat blog. hahaha... rasa macam dah xrajin nak update blog. Dulu alasan kekonon dah ade twitter, tp twitter pun dah tak active sangat. ni semua sbb Candy Crush Saga punya penangan la nie. Damn you Candy Crush Saga!!

In Sha Allah my EDD will be on 17th July. Timing salah betul la. bole plak EDD time bulan pose. MIL pun ckp, nape tak tunggu bulan October? Mama dah pencen time tu. hahaha.. mmg we are ready to conceived kekonon planning to deliver by 2013. xsangka plak Allah berikan rezeki both of us ni subur. 1st attempt dah lekat. hahahaha.. Alhamdulillah. both of us pun tak bajet yg kitorang ni adalah sangat subur. I suspected i was pregnant, tp xcek lg sbb mcm baru seminggu je miss period. then aku gi klinik sbb ade alergic yg buat itchy, then masa doc nak prescribe ubat, aku tanya pregnant bole sapu or makan ke ubat ni? then dia tanya au pregnant ke? then aku ckp xsure sbb xcek lg. trus buat time tuh. then confirm aku pregnant. huhu..

This time, its another baby boy. walaupun sebenanyer tersangat le berharap dapat baby girl sbb dah tak sabar dah nak beli baju baby girl yang sangat cute-cute tu. and kalo dapat baby gurl, plan nak jarakkan the next pregnancy sbb cost. memang la orang ckp anak adalah rezeki, but of course we should be well prepared in term of mentally and financially. both me and Encik Suami is trying to be debt free now. tp it's so impossible in the world now. debt free that i mean to doesn't include morgage or hire purchase, itu haruslah berhutang kan? tp xpe la, just doakan semoga this baby will get the best and kitorang akan murah rezeki, mebi bukan dari segi financially, mebi dari segi lain. Allah Maha Mengetahui and Allah Maha Mengasihi.

and this 2nd pregnancy ade lain ckit dr abg Ameer. of course la, every pregnancy is different, even every child have the difference and their own identity. at this moment, during my 32nd weeks, baby still not in position. baby still melintang kat dalam perut nie. aku pun xtau ape motif dia dok melintang. tak ke lagi sempit kalo dia dok melintang dalam perut aku? semalam Encik Suami tanya, nape dia xpusing macam Ameer? huhu, aku jawap "Dia xtau kot yang dia kene pusing". so, starting from next check-up, i have to go to Specialist Gynea. Kene pegi Hospital Sungai Buloh terus. and by 36 weeks kalo baby still breach, disarankan untuk czer je terus. tp itu saranan my current doctor yg aku gi check-up. kita tunggu saranan the Specialist nanti.

In Sya Allah nanti aku akan deliver kat Hospital Sungai Buloh sbb aku sangat-sangat puas ati ngan Hospital Sungai Buloh. mebi masa time sakit tu dia xde le melayan aku sgt kan? biar aku sakit kering sorang2 atas katil tu, yele sakit nak besalin je kan? org lain pun nak besalin gak, bukan aku sorang je nak besalin smp derang kene dok ngadap aku kan? tp post pregnancy punya treatment mmg superb. lagik superb sbb masa aku dah le czer, dok seminggu 7 hari 7 malam dalam bilik 2nd class, skalik dapat bill RM180 jerk. superb giler kot. siap xclaim kat company sbb xjumpe resit. wahahahaha... lagipu company aku cover RM3,500 je for czer.

this was in December 2012..br 2 months pregnant..

this was in 

abang Ameer mmg suka tido dgn adik.. meaning tido atas perut aku... he will say "Nak tido Adik".. nnt adik dia yg kat dlm tu mengelejat le.. bergerak-gerak

this was last month which was early May.. masa last balik Ipoh before delivery.. dah 6 weeks++

ni gamba aku berangan sbb aku bajet aku cam cun.. hahaha.. 7 months pregnant.. this baby cam a lil bit smaller compared to Abg Ameer.. tp xcompare betul2 lg sbb blum tgk last pregnancy punya kad..

The Wonderful Journey of Breast Feeding

It has officially come to an end for my journey of breastfeeding my little Ameer after exactly 1 year and 10 months... it was 29th October 2012.

when i was pregnant of Ameer, i've said to myself i want to breast feed him.. tak pernah plak terlintas kat pikiran aku yg "macam mana kalau takde susu?". Sbb pada aku, In Sha Allah mmg Allah jadikan setiap ibu yang melahirkan anak akan ada susu. Kalau tak macam mana org zaman dulu besarkan anak dia? Bukan ade jual susu kat supermarket yg bermacam-macam jenis and macam-macam rege tu.

and i was fortunate sbb masa aku pregnant tu, aku pregnant sama dengan both of my sister in-laws and one of my very good friend, Cik Puan Jaja. So, we share and talk everything bout pregnancy and BF. i learned everything bout BF pun through reading..

At the beginning, i wasn't easy. Sbb aku jenis nipple tenggelam for both of my breast. And Ameer masa memula xpandai suction. so the problem was, nipple tenggelam and baby xpandai suction. Alhamdulillah my MIL was a midwife in Government Hospital, so dia minta Syringe from nurse, cut the front then use it tu suck the nipple. bile nipple dah klua, Ameer plak xpandai suction. So nipple masuk balik. Then MIL tried another option, using syringe she sucked the milk, put in a small medicine cup, bg Ameer minum. Once he tasted the milk, mebi sbb dia rasa macam sedap kan, sua dia kat breast, trus automatic dia pandai suction then it all started the wonderful journey of breastfeeding.

Alhamdulillah dengan izin Allah, aku berjaya fully BF ameer sampai dia genap setahun. I went through all the penat jerih of pumping, finding a milk booster and macam-macam la lagi. my milk booster was kurma cina, len chi kang, and mushroom. even pernah aku rebus halba and minum. euww.. sgt pahit okay. Aku cume fully BF ameer smp sethn tu pun sbb salah aku sendiri gak. xreti and malas nak buat stock. huhuhu.. bile sampai stage kais pagi, makan pagi, aku decided tuk campur. Sbb ade sampai time aku dok mengepam tgh malam sampai le tetido-tido. pehtu susu tumpah. ameer plak, kalo dia nampak je aku plug pump, time tu le dia merengek nak  nyusu. tak pun kang dtg kat aku ngaco mintak macam-macam. bile benti fully BF tu, xde le benti terus. just kat nursery ameer akan minum FM. bile aku ade je dia akan BF.

and tetibe pada umo ameer genap 22 bulan or setahun 10 bulan, tetibe je ameer refuse to bf. Tetibe je tgh BF, dia berenti and said "nanak". aku macam, "huh?". aku sua lagi, dia cakap lagi "nanak". OMG!! aku macam terkejut and macam sedih je time tu. sbb ameer tetibe je xnak BF dah. tp aku pun mmg suka main tembak-tembak dia dgn susu aku tu. hahaha..

the great and wonderful thing bout BF nie is when the feeling and the bonding that you have when u hold him in your arms. Then when u look at the face, and he return the look with a smile. pastu kalo nak klua bejalan pun senang je, just grab pampers and baby wipes. tu je. xpayah nak susah payanh bubuh susu dlm Milk Container, boh air panas dlm termos, nak bawak berus and liquid washer lagi.. haih, basically kene ade another bag just for the milk. though i just experience it for 4 months, tp mcm leceh gak le.

NIP pun xde la susah sgt dah. that the great thing bout wearing a hijab. xyah nak nursing2 cover bagai. tudung tu bole jadik nursing cover. my fren ade tanya, kalo terselak nampak nipple macam mana? Jangan la pakai tudun singkat kan. then, pakai la nursing blouse sbb dia punya opening tu exactly at the nipple. then u can use the tudung to cover ur breast and the baby. and Alhamdulillah Ameer nie jenis takde le nak selak-selak tudung mommy kan time BF. kalo dah more then a year BF, dah bole category BF expert la. sampai jalan-jalan dlm supermarket pilih barang pun bole NIP. tp, usually aku akan pegi kat tpt brg plastic, grab a plastic chair and letak dlm trolley barang. So bile dia nak bf, kalo dah penat jalan, dok je atas that plastic chair. Nanti kat cashier, pulang jele balik.

I was still wondering kenape Ameer stop BF tetibe. Then sebulan lebih lepas Ameer stop BF, baru le i know why he actually finally decided to stop BF. nak tau nape? nnt aku upload. haha.

ni 2nd time NIP.  time nie cam gelabah gile kalo nak BF. sebok nak pakai nursing cover le sambil ameer dah nanges-nanges. ni pun 1st time outing just the 3 of us after confinement.

thank you Ms Medela for serving me and my mommy

xbnyk pun gamba me nursing Ameer. ni pun daddy snap ms daddy admitted in hospital

i misses this bonding moment while BF...